i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
