I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
