Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
