just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
