How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't turn off my feet"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
