There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
