I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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