I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Randomize
