Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
