I'm lost and stupid without you.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
