You're my little dorito
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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