The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
