Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
