I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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