Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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