A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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