So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
