I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
