idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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