The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
