they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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