I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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