As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
