Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
