I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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