The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
