The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
