He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
