somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
