Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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