Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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