he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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