nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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