I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
