so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
