you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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