whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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