He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
