Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
