OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
