Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
