i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
