Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
