i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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