dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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