Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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