Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
