you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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