i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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