so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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