Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can vaginas get frostbite?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
