Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Can I color on your dick again?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
