just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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