My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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