Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
