Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
