You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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