im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
