Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
