The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
