I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
did i just pee glitter
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
