ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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